Walking in the Light

This is a blog posted on Vision of Hope's Blog page (http://blogs.faithlafayette.org/voh/2015/03/17/walking-in-the-light/) that I am re-posting:

Walking in the light is a biblical concept that is easily overlooked. 1 John 1:7 states: “But if we walk in the light, as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin.” Obviously, the Bible commands us to practice walking in the light, and we know that whatever the Bible majors on, we should major on as well.
Walking in the light means not covering up your sin in order to look good to others. The next verse in 1 John 1 tells us that, “If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.” (v. 8) Every one of us sins, and being a part of the body of Christ means that we are willing to be vulnerable with one another for the purpose of experiencing deeper fellowship and seeking accountability. In order for us to be like Christ, we must be willing to not only be humble and genuine, asking for help when we need it, but also to help other believers to become more like Christ as well.
As mentioned in our previous blog post concerning our internship program, ladies who go through our internship also come away with many ways in which that have learned and grown in their walk with the Lord. Oftentimes, the most convicting and challenging experiences as an intern happens within a counseling session in which the intern is simply observing. It is amazing how God works to place interns into observation positions within a counseling session where the counseling that is being presented is exactly what that intern needed herself.
Sharing one of these instances, one of our current interns, Timea, shares her experience in a counseling session she recently had the opportunity to observe. To read Timea’s full story of salvation and how she came to VOH, click here. Now, be encouraged and challenged, as Timea shares what she has been learning about walking in the light:
“Interns have the privilege of sitting in on counseling when the individual residents meet with their counselors every week. We get to observe the same counselor and counselee each week and assist the counselor by writing the legal notes they have to complete. I know that I get into counseling sessions based on my availability, however, I know that ultimately God is the one who places me in the sessions. So many times the counsel I am hearing is something I need, and I know that is no accident. One lesson that has come to mind a lot recently is ‘walking In the light.’ The counselor required the counselee to weekly list 10 ways they had been transparent and vulnerable with other believers. One day he explained why he assigned this. He said it is like the fundamentals of a sport. You do this over and over again, because it is foundational to the sport. If you do not have this basic skill, you will not be able to do well in the sport or get better. He explained walking in the light is foundational to Christian growth and life. It was something I had never heard before in that way and I realized how little I did that. Just this week God has been showing me areas of sin in my life and my need to be open with other believers about my struggle and walk in the light. I am so thankful our God orchestrates every happening in my life and even the counsel I need to hear.”
None of us have it all together, so we should never try to put on the facade that we do. This is an important concept for believer to apply, and Timea’s story shows how much God wants us to keep these thoughts in mind. How awesome that we have seen how God works not only in the lives of the counselees here at VOH, but also in the lives and heart of the observers as well! For more information about our internship program, contact Jenn Heikkinen at jheikkinen@faithlafayette.org.

Not so Black and White

If you were to look at my room especially when I was younger you would have seen that many things did not have a particular spot or all fit neatly--at least not in my teenage mind. The floor seemed just a good a spot as any for my clothes and the dresser top was always a great place to pile the things a little too precious to place on the floor. Even today, I struggle to put things back where they belong ( but thanks to college roommates, this discipline has become more of a norm for me). Now, when it comes to how things work in my mind, I am quite the opposite; I want everything to be neatly categorized.

I'm not sure I knew that about myself in high school. Rather, I thought that my room was a reflection of my thinking, but it was far from the truth. What has shown me this more than anything is my time at Vision of Hope. 

When I arrived here I had a lot of questions. When I began asking questions I had my notepad out and was ready to take notes. To my surprise though, I was regularly told "well, it depends..." 

What?!? In my head I just could not figure it out! No! I want a hard, fast answer. Why does there have to be options or differences? Why can't it all just fit into a neat little box?

Well that was week 1. Right now I am at month 6, and I often ask myself or someone else a question, and I realize that there is not a clear answer for everyone! 

Instead of finding my questions answered in neat boxes, I find myself in this place in between. Instead of being given an answer, I am left with unanswered questions. 

Well that is not easy! Nope. It's actually some hard work. Searching, and asking and seeking wisdom.

But it's such a worthwhile effort! 

In my black and white mind, I am quick to judge. I see something and determine it based on my perspective? 

Sadly, I often misjudge. Learning to not judge, but to ask questions leads to building relationships rather than tearing them apart has been a difficult process.

In my black and white mind, I am easily frustrated because things do not go my way.

When I am willing to let go of my agenda, I can find joy because I often do not have the only or the best way.

In my black and white mind, I try to control how things happen in my system.

As I let go of controlling everything in my mind and making it fit my plans, I can rest in letting The Father be in control, because I was not made to be in control (even though some days I want to be).

Today problems came up as I went through my day, and it did not all go my way and questions did not have easy answers. But as I learn to find a balance I can be ok with challenges and unanswered questions because I know Who is in control and I can trust Him. Also, I can be ok with not having the answers and not being perfect in the eyes of others, because I recognize that I am not the ultimate, I know the Ultimate, and thankfully He is doing His job, and I do not have to be perfect, He's got it.

(And somehow, what may seem chaotic in my mind, He makes into something awe-inspiring and beautiful)

Some time away

Back at it again!

 I've been doing some traveling recently, and hope to get back to writing soon! 

Til then, here are some of my favorite photos of my times away.

Kellie and Joe's Wedding

Travis' Graduation

Time home in NY with family

A Birthday Celebration!

Tonight we celebrated the birthday of one of our residents. It was exciting as we prepared the special meal she had requested and made the preparations to rejoice in her life. The menu: Pizza, watermelon, Dr. Pepper and chocolate cake—all of which are a special treat at VOH.

For me it is especially exciting because this resident has been here for quite a while. We have had many new girls come since my time here, and especially over the past few weeks and I am just starting to get to know them. However, this young lady has been here for a number of months and I’ve been able to see her personality (character, life, heart- not sure if personality is best word) and get to know her some. The coolest part is watching her put into practice the things she is working on in counseling. As I thought about all of that and the silly memories and laughs we have had, as well as some challenges, I just cannot help but smile. I am SO thankful for her and her life, and that The Father brought her here. I have LOVE for her, and I’ve only known her a few months.

Reflecting on that and looking over the group of women seated at dinner I just thought about the love the Father continues to give me for these residents. Honestly, I struggle to love them on some days. I look across the table or the classroom and am frustrated or tired and do not want to love them like I should, but that’s when the Father reminds me to pray that I would love them. And it is moments like tonight when I can see the love He has given me for them, and that is beyond my own ability.

When I look at the one who died for me and His love for me, I can have the love I need to love others, even when they hurt me. His love for me should be my fuel to love others, by His love I am compelled to love others. A passage I am so thankful for that has helped me in this is 1 Peter 2:21-25: 

21 For you have been called for this purpose, since Chr*st also suffered for you, leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps, 22 who committed no sin, nor was any deceit found in His mouth; 23 and while being reviled, He did not revile in return; while suffering, He uttered no threats, but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously; 24 and He Himself bore our sins in His body on the cross, so that we might die to sin and live to righteousness; for by His wounds you were healed. 25 For you were continually straying like sheep, but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Guardian of your souls.

 

The passage doesn’t even say the word “love,” but it certainly shows it! And it is because of the Son's willingness to suffer and die for me two thousand some years ago that I can love others, even when I don’t feel like it or cannot do it on my own. I can “die to sin” and my desires to just do what is best and easiest for myself, and instead “live to righteousness” and practice the liberty The Son has given me to love and serve others. I am free and enabled to love in ways far beyond what I imagine I would be able to as I am willing to obey the one who saved me!

That is something to celebrate! 

Run! Run! Run! As fast as you can!

Run and sign up for Race for Hope! As an intern at Vision of Hope I have a Race for Hope team and I'd love to have you join me as a team member or sponsor.

What is Race for Hope? It's a 5k/10k walk run that gives the proceeds to support Vision of Hope. It will be held on June 14, 2014

What is Vision of Hope? It is a residential treatment center that uses Biblical Counseling to help young women who struggle with eating disorders, unplanned pregnancies, addictions, and self harm located in Lafayette, IN (http://www.faithlafayette.org/voh).

Can I participate if I can't make it to Lafayette? Yes! I am forming a team of people across the nation. You can run/walk anywhere, or be a "virtual" team member and not walk at all. As a team member you'd have the priviledge of sharing  about Vision of Hope to others and getting them to sponsor you. You could also particpate by being a sponsor and giving to my team!

Why should you join? So that you can be a part of what God is doing here at Vision of Hope and also get the word out to others.

How do I do it? Great question! Check out this page and make sure to join my team (Across the Nation Hopefuls) http://www.faithlafayette.org/raceforhope

Open Heart Surgery

It's funny how much I under-estimate the room I have left to grow. In my mind it's pretty easy to rationalize that I'm doing ok. I usually spend time talking to the Father and reading HIs Word and I haven't committed any crimes (other than speeding), so I can't be all that bad I tell myself.

As a follower of the One who is completely perfect, I've come to realize that I am so wrong! My Father has been good to show that to me and I'm so thankful. He shows me my sinful, self-centered, prideful heart.

Since coming to Vision of Hope I feel like it's been an overhaul on my heart. My chest has been ripped open, my heart has been revealed and the work has intensified.

I guess I knew it was coming. Vision of Hope is a place for helping at-risk young women, which is intimidating in itself, but after the application process I realized the hardest part would be seeing my own heart and working on that. I was warned, but still it has been challenging.

To help illustrate this a little bit, here at Vision of Hope and F*ith Ch*rch the focus is really put on the motivations. That means that rather than just talking about not doing _______ (which could be cutting, binging and purging, drinking etc.) We instead focus on what they are seeking or looking for when they do these things. It might be comfort, control, acceptance, escape, pleasure, or any number of things (and to clarify, this isn't just something that one can look at and diagnose in someone else, without the full picture. That would be unwise, however as the counselor spends time with the counselee they can help them identify this.) When I was exposed to this teaching, my toes got stepped on. I may not struggle with the same outward sins like our residents do. I have never had an unplanned pregnancy, or an addiction to drugs or alcohol, but I do struggle with being anxious when I have an approaching deadline. I respond in anger and frustration toward others. I don't always have a good attitude when I am assigned a task I don't like. When I start to think about it, my MOTIVATION is the exact same as those struggling with much more obvious sins. I can't blame my circumstances and say, "They made me  respond in anger and frustration" because really, IT'S MY OWN HEART. At times it is because i was wanting to be in control, and when I didn't get my way I responded sinfullly. Other times I am upset because I didn't look good in front of others that I wanted to accept me... the list could go on.

To summarize, what I think is just a small sin, really shows my heart is sinful and my chief desire is something very different than pleasing my Savior (2 Cor. 5:9). It's very exposing. I'm not a good person who does nice things, nope I am a sinner who often does nice things for the praise of others. I young woman who can't get through the day without thinking about self for even 10 minutes. No I'm not good, I am wretched. My chest has been opened up and there is nothing left hidden. And unlike open heart surgery, I can't just pay someone to fix it for me, it's going to be a process for the rest of my life (Phil 1:6)

The best part, however, is that it is for my good. In the moment it seems really scary and painful but the goal in the end is me being more like my Savior. And even better than that, the Father is glorified through me!!! I can show others His goodness and the change in my life shows what His character is! Somehow, He is going to turn this sinful mess into something that shouts out to others, "The Father is real, because there's no way Timea could have done that on her own!" and "The Father is gracioius, because somehow that awful sinner Timea just got blessed again!" being used by Him, there's no better calling than that! 

This post was written originally around 3/1/2014

A Delayed Start

It's been months since I last posted, but the thought has been on my mind for quite some time! I kept saying that I'd get around to it, but it never happened. Today I hope to stop the delay and get back to sharing what the Father has been up to in my life!

Thanks for your patience with me and I hope to get more consistent in my updates!